I was chatting with someone this week and she was questioning why others don’t seem to want to help her. The more we chatted, the clearer it became to both of us that her approach made her appear risky. It wasn’t something massive or even super obvious, it was little things – from not responding in a timely manner to asking for too much too soon. Also, there were a few missing “thank yous” here and there.
So the next time you ask someone to help you, ask yourself: “Am I making myself ‘risky’ to the other person?” If you think you are, you likely are. Adjust your approach accordingly and move ahead.
Have a great day,
When I was in school, I used to think that I was the only one not out on the weekend. Everyone in my dorm (or so I thought) was out having fun while I wasn’t.
Rather than sit back and be stuck inside, I decided to plan my own activities and I invited friends and people I wanted to have as friends. While not everyone said “yes” to my invitations, enough people did that we had fun and enjoyable times.
Then, someone I had known for a long time, asked me a totally unexpected question.”Anita,” she said. “How come you always have these great things to do on the weekend?” I paused and replied, “Since I wasn’t invited to the big deal activities I wanted to attend, I decided to create my own. You are welcome to join us whenever you want.”
I took myself out of the game since I didn’t express an interest. I just waited for something to make the first move – which didn’t happen, Then I decided to take the initiative to include others, not wait for them to include me.
Have a great day,
I was traveling recently and it was interesting to hear the conversation whirling around me. There were certainly some positive topics and interactions, yet it was interesting to see how much of the talk was what these individuals wanted to get rid of. While it’s not always possible to banish and people or circumstances from your life, what is absolutely possible to rid yourself of the upset and grudges that can make you unhappy at best.
So the next time you notice you have something you don’t want, pause and find the value. Once you do, you are already transforming your life for the better.
Have a great day,
It’s a very funny thing about expectations.
If you set them too low – for yourself and/or others – the limits you place will reduce your outcomes, opportunities, and confidence. In many ways, expectations become the type of self-fulfilling prophecy you don’t want to have.
So, set expectations of yourself and other that are a stretch. When you reach them, go bigger!
Enjoy the ride,
Most people want their big shot and yet they often don’t do what actually needs to be done to succeed. At a basic level, you will want to do the following:
- Create a goal – what do you want to do?
- Know your why – in what ways is this goal important to you?
- Write down your action – what step can you take that you have complete control over and how much time will you devote to this?
- Track your progress – how far have you come and what’s next?
- Express gratitude – who has helped you and how can you thank them?
When you do these things, you considerably up your chances of winning “the big game” – whatever that is for you. What will do today – for even a few minutes to get started?
Have a great day,
Yesterday, a friend was moaning about how opportunities were shrinking and no one wanted a person of her age. While some opportunities could be out of reach to my friend, more than likely – she is shutting out / shutting down opportunities that could be viable. Why would my friend close out opportunities, especially if she believes the numbers are decreasing? Good question.
Here are some possibilities for why my friend misses opportunities:
- She is living in the past and the new opportunities aren’t with what she is familiar. SCARY.
- Current opportunities may require skills she doesn’t have – but could obtain. TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
- She wants to work when it fits into the rest of her life (which is her number one priority). WORK IS MORE OF A HOBBY THAN A COMMITMENT.
So if you are like my friend and see a shrinking set of opportunities, pause and see if the opportunities are actually less. Or, if you have put barriers in the way, shutting out good stuff that could be great for you?
I was listening to a program recently and the speaker talked about how being right can actually be a bad thing. My first reaction was “how could that be”? In a world where having the right idea, approach, or solution can lead to greater levels of success – it seemed the speaker made a mistake. That said, I realized if I stopped listened I might fall into the “needing to be right” trap.
So I listened (actually carefully) to the speaker. What he said, made a lot of sense to me.
Here’s what I learned:
- Advice based on what you believe is right, even if well-intentioned, can derail a conversation and a whole relationship.
- While being right may make you feel superior, at its core are arrogance and insecurity.
- Be open to having your mind changed, not out of backing away – but out of incorporating new knowledge that could be useful.
The speaker left me with even more to contemplate – perhaps your mind will be led to deeper thinking on this topic, too.
Enjoy your day,
Who can say how far you can or can’t go? The person who usually puts up the limits is you – either directly or by believing what others tell you you aren’t ready or able to do.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be realistic and expand your skills, experience, and more to grow into your goals. What I would say is test your limits incrementally, while mitigating your risks. Then you can move ahead – and who knows, your “limits” may be farther away than you think.
Enjoy the day,
Stories are powerful, predictive, and persuasive. They influence your actions and those of others. The question is what story do you typically tell and what message is it sending?
There are the “poor me” stories (which I don’t recommend), while very convincing, reduce credibility, trust, and the likelihood of achieving your goals and dreams. On the other hand, is the “yes I hit a very challenging situation and actually used it to succeed” story. I really love these – they almost always display courage, tenacity, and resilience.
Here’s the kicker: the circumstance in both kinds are stories can be exactly the same. I’ve been there. After being crushed by an elevator, I told many “poor me” stories that ultimately did me no good. With time and much self-honesty, I started telling a “yes I hit a very challenging situation and actually used it to succeed” story. This was the best thing I could have done: it opened up a whole new world of happiness and success for me.
Have a great day,
I hear again and again: that the world is divisive. Some people believe that this serious discord is caused by our institutions and if only they would change, the world would be better. At some level, those individuals are right – and it’s far from the whole story.
Organizations are made up of people, so what if each of us looks at any “disunity” inside our own heart? I have seen when the change emanates from within, the environment changes for the better.
Do it as an experiment.