I was working with someone (we’ll call her Carrie) recently who wanted to know how to increase her Klout score and and other things that would help her gain lots of attention for herself and her business. While Carrie may sound a bit narcissistic (wanting to have the world look at her), I don’t believe that this is the case.
Carrie is afraid that if she doesn’t have lots of eyeballs on her business and herself, success will elude her. One of my mentors would tell Carrie she’s got it backwards. I can hear his voice now, “If you wanted to be interesting to others (and get lots of positive attention), be interested in whomever you meet. It’s the fastest way to build relationships that will support you – today and for years to come.”
One caveat: you must be sincere and authentic. Anything short of that and you will receive a negative boomerang.
So how can you be genuinely interested today?
It’s important to have expectations of ourselves and others – at least a hope and goal that we can make something happen (through ourselves and others). It gives us a starting point to pursue our goals and dreams and a foundation from which to take action. I believe this is a good things.
That said, when expectations move into a sense of entitlement of what others will and certainly SHOULD do for us, then things can go awry. Almost no one wants to help someone who takes people for granted and rarely thanks others for what they receive.
So have things that you want and expect with a deep sense of appreciation in your heart. That will make all the difference.
If you ever feel slighted, disappointed, and even annoyed, pause to find at least one thing you value about this “less than ideal” person or situation. It will help you refocus, regroup, and re-envision what you want going forward.
Please be open to having your mind changed about the person and/or set of circumstances. The rewards can be vast when you do.
Have a great weekend,
Ingratitude is like any other noxious material – most like those that are odorless and colorless. Individuals don’t realize how much damage has been done until something important is lost – usually a relationship with a friend, colleague, or family member.
The other thing is that an unappreciative attitude can creep in just about anywhere and in tiny, nearly imperceptible ways. It can start with taking someone for granted or being disappointed with less than 100% (from yourself and/or others) every time.
Even though the impact of ingratitude can be devastating, the fix can be simple, easy, and absolutely accessible (with an open mind). You can start with two words “thank you”, pause for a few minutes each day and recall in what ways your life is better because someone (likely multiple someones), and even reach out and acknowledge a person who makes your life good.
. . . and when you do, you brain releases a bunch of feel good stuff.
Thanks for reading this,
Just to be clear, there is no screaming, ranting, or cursing involved here.
It only takes two words in the following order to encourage and demotivate a person in a nanosecond.
The first is “yes” which prepares us for positive acknowledgment, affirmation, and overall support. There is an awesomeness that comes from knowing that we are appreciated.
Yet, the second word “But” negates and destroys all that positive goodness that precedes it – and it happens instantly.
So refuse to start by telling someone how good she or something she did is and taking it all away with a BIG BUT!!!
Have a great day,
When you hear about the (personal or professional) success of a family member, friend, or colleague, what’s your first reaction? Are you happy and excited for the person? Or, do you view the individual’s success as a negative judgment of you?
In other words, are you a celebrator or a detractor? The first path can leave you with more friends, resources, opportunities, while the second often results in a shrinkage of all this good stuff.
It can take a lot to truly feel appreciative of another’s accomplishments Yet each time you do, your confidence, capacity, and compassion grow. Who wouldn’t want that?
Have a great day,
I don’t believe that anyone wants to consciously derail his success. Yet, I do see people putting the brakes on without being aware of what is happening. In fact, they are often perplexed as to why their goals are not being realized.
While there are many factors, one is persistent, pervasive, and powerful – and that is complaining about what others are doing and how it is harming you. Now, there are times when it really does appear that someone else is to blame – especially when the “evidence” is all over the place. Yet, at some level that doesn’t help you. The complaint and blame only serve to anchor you to a person or set of circumstances that aren’t working.
So consider looking inward and see where you might have even a tweensy, weensy bit of responsibility and initiate the change from within yourself. Perhaps it will be a waste of time, but I suspect that (at the very least) you will feel better about yourself and the situation.
Please experiment and report back.
Have a good day,
I was having lunch with my friend, Sandy, today to celebrate her birthday. Toward the end of our meal, she pulled out her phone to show me an ad from Chicago Magazine featuring a mutual friend (whom I will call “Compassionate Artist”).
“Isn’t it fantastic that someone as amazing as Compassionate Artist is the face of his organization this month in a very public way,” said Sandy. We each began to list all of the ways Compassionate Artist makes the lives of many better (including us) because of his talent, commitment to others, and heart.
I think that is would be a great idea for each of us to go on a treasure to find people like Compassionate Artist and acknowledge those individuals, too. It will be fun – for us and them.
Have a great weekend,
I met with someone earlier today and she is in both a scary and exciting place – her growth has been consistent and persistent. Along the way, she has developed into a person a courage. What I find so admirable about her is that she knows what she wants now and has the confidence, capacity, and (self) compassion to move ahead despite the uncertainty.
We all face times when we know that we must move on – personally and/or professionally. Yet many don’t. It’s not a judgment of anyone – but a shoutout to my friend who will make the move on her own terms at a time that’s right.
Way to go, friend.
I had lunch with a friend today. A bit of background – I have known her for a long time and deeply admire her talents, values, and excellence.
She had recently attended a Strengthsfinder program and I was delighted to see how she has really stepped into her strengths and is confidently moving ahead toward goals she didn’t even know she had.
My friend’s courageous actions inspire me to do the same.
We can all learn much from her.
Way to go, friend!
Have a great day,